Signs He's Flirting With You or Just Being Nice
It’s very common for women to find themselves in situations where they’re trying to be polite and friendly, and the men they’re talking to assume they’re flirting.
It’s also, however, possible for women to find themselves on the other side of this situation, especially if they’re texting via a dating app where you can’t see your match and decipher his words with facial expressions and body language.
Today we’re going to help out all ladies in need and shed light on how to tell if a guy is flirting with you or just being polite and handsome. We’ll cover the obvious signs as well as subtle nuanced details that can easily be missed.
Buckle up, and let’s go!
How to Tell If a Guy Is Flirting With You
Dating is hard because there’s no template or a set of rules that everyone follows. A lot is left for interpretation, and that creates ambiguity.
For instance, what is flirting, really? It’s a playful behavior where someone expresses their romantic interest in the other person, whether serious or just for funsies. Typical flirting includes intense eye contact, compliments, suggestive body language, and risqué conversation topics, – all with the goal to demonstrate your attraction and test the waters for any mutual feelings.
Sounds pretty simple, but some people are natural flirts and talk a certain way to anyone they come across. Others, in turn, are ready to see anything and everything as flirting, even when there’s no objective reason to assume it.
So how to know when a man is flirting with you without embarrassing yourself? Follow the signs and you’ll have a pretty good understanding of what type of situation you’re in.
Obvious Signs of Flirting
There are several obvious flirting behaviors that clearly separate being friendly vs flirting.
- He’ll find a reason to talk to you, even when there’s no real “need” for it. He’ll be asking your advice, following up on the things you said earlier, and seeking to be in your company again and again.
- He’ll compliment you. Sadly, men aren’t that good with innocent and random compliments to people they don’t fancy. Usually, they won’t bother telling you your dress is nice or that you’re funny if they’re not romantically interested.
- It’ll be all in the eyes. When a guy likes you, he looks at you and straight into your eyes.
- His body language will be more confident and approaching. Touches, hugs, leaning towards you, – all that indicates that he likes you and wants to be closer to you.
- The way he talks to you will be a bit different than with a random stranger or acquaintance. There will likely be teasing, witty remarks, and overall playful behavior.
Men flirt in different ways, but usually, they follow at least a couple of the patterns we mentioned above.
Women are the same too, by the way. Sure, many women are taught to be mysterious and never instigate a flirty interaction first, but once it starts, they’ll also be playful, seek to touch their crush and be in their presence more often. We’re not that different!
Subtle Signs of Flirting
Is he nice or interested? Does he like me or is it all in my head? Those are not the best things to dwell on as it can be upsetting and frustrating, especially if you really like the guy.
If he’s not demonstrating any obvious signs of flirting, you may assume that all is lost, and he is, in fact, not into you. That’s not always the case though. Some men are careful with expressing their interests and emotions, and they don’t want to hurt their feelings (and ego), so they’ll be super careful with how they flirt and make sure they can back out in case you don’t reciprocate.
They’ll be subtle, but you will still be able to spot if they’re into you. Here are a few examples.
- He’ll often look at you and smile, especially if you’re not talking right now but are in the same space.
- You’ll notice him mirror your body language or speech style. Most of the time, he won’t even recognize he’s doing it, it will happen subconsciously.
- There will be more than a chit-chat and a small talk. The guy who likes you will try to get to know you better. He’ll be asking more personal and detailed questions, and he’ll actually be listening to the things you say.
- He will remember stuff. You know how many men forget the things and the details you said the moment you say them? Well, if a man likes you, you’ll be safe from this annoying behavior, at least for a little while. A subtly flirty man will surprise you by randomly asking about seemingly super minor things you said a week ago. That’s because he cares.
- The compliments will hit differently. They’ll be more detailed and personalized, and he’ll be spotting things a regular citizen will not likely even notice about you.
Last but not least, you’ll sometimes be able to spot that he’s actually nervous. It’s natural for humans to feel somewhat uneasy when they’re next to the person they like because they want to make a good impression and not say something silly and ruin their chances.
So watch out for little signs, such as him adjusting his clothes a bit too often, fidgeting, having a tick, or things of that sort. Just make sure you’re not confusing his general shyness and social awkwardness with flirting because maybe that’s just his love personality and vibe. If he’s more confident with others than with you, – that’s your cue that he’s really into you.
Differences Between Being Friendly vs. Flirting
Oh boy, isn’t it annoying how the lines are often blurred and it’s extremely hard to tell whether a guy is just being friendly or actually flirting with you?
We know, we hate it too. But it’s not hopeless, there are ways to separate the two.
When someone is just friendly, they’ll be friendly and polite, but there will be nothing suggestive about them. They won’t look at you intensely, they’re not going to try and touch you, stay close to you, or make cheeky remarks that can, if you choose to, lead to a more sexual and romantic undertone to your discussion.
Also, simply friendly people will not try to usurp your attention, and they’ll do their best to talk to everyone equally, in case you’re in a group setting.
A flirting man, in turn, will pay undeniably special attention to you and spend a disproportionate amount of time talking to just you. Also, the things he talks about and the way he does it will be more playful and suggestive. He’ll make sneaky remarks that are more sexy and romantic than anything else, he’ll compliment you and will either hold an intense eye contact when you talk or you’ll notice occasional lingering gazes when you guys are in different corners of the room.
Flirt vs. Tease: Understanding the Difference
When a person is flirting, they usually do so in an attempt to show that they like you and would potentially be interested in getting closer.
Teasing can be a part of flirting, but it can also be an independent behavior pattern that is innocent and playful or borderline mocking and uncomfortable. Teasing is not so much about indicating that you like someone as part of the conversation but, if the person is toxic or manipulative, a way for them to test your boundaries and see how far they can push you.
Body Language Cues to Look For
What the eyes and the words will try to hide, the body will reveal.
Flirty Touch vs. Friend Touch
Not every touch is a sensual, flirty touch.
For example, if he touches you briefly and reaches for an arm or pats you on the back during the conversation, this can be a simple expression of support and good humor. An unnecessarily extended touch, a touch that lingers for way too long, is a sign that he’s into you.
Also, if he’s not touching safe zones (such as shoulders or upper arm) but makes contact with a more intimate area (like a thigh or the lower back), then he is signaling to you that he likes you a bit more than a pal.
A huge indicator that the touch you’ve just experienced is a flirty one is if it’s accompanied by additional flirty behavior, such as intense eye contact, a different extended touch, or a romantic or sexy topic brought up.
Finally, the setting that the touch happens in matters too. If a guy reaches out and touches you when you’re out with others in broad daylight, it’s most likely innocent. If he’s doing it in a one-on-one environment, then there’s a much higher chance that he likes you and indicates his interest like that.
Physical Proximity and Body Orientation
If a man likes you, he’ll try to get closer to you, both emotionally and physically. He’ll step closer, lean towards you, and find an excuse to stay near. Should you get too close to him and “invade” his personal space, he’ll not step back or turn away, he’ll enjoy every moment of it.
His body orientation will be giving it away too. Watch out for what his body is facing – is it you or is he turning his body away? Most of the time, a man who likes a woman will turn to her and to her only, even if there are other people around.
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Signs of Flirting From a Guy Over Text
Flirting online and offline are different beasts, but they share many similarities.
A guy who’s flirting over text will also be teasing you, giving you compliments, and trying to initiate conversation and ask more questions about you and your life.
In addition to that, he will:
- Send emojis (lots of guys don’t do it unless they’re romantically interested).
- He’ll be quick to respond and try to keep the chat going for longer.
- He might come up with a sweet nickname for you, possibly as an inside joke from the previous chat.
- You’ll hear from him in the mornings and in the evenings.
Most importantly, a guy will be consistent. He won’t disappear for days or reply with indifferent texts out of nowhere.
Is He Interested or Just Being Nice?
Knowing key differences and signs will help you understand if a guy is simply friendly and enjoys your company platonically or if there’s more to it.
Someone who’s just a nice and friendly guy will:
- Be equally nice to you and everyone around.
- Won’t go out of his way to impress you.
- Will keep the conversations light-hearted.
- Won’t usually try to make plans unless you discuss a common interest or hobby, such as tennis that you can go and play together later.
- Won’t tease you or compliment you.
- Will show zero jealousy signs if other guys approach.
When a person is interested, they make extra effort. This includes getting to know the real you better, remembering the little details you said, looking for ways to see you again, and telling you what they like about you through compliments or playful remarks.
Signs of Genuine Interest
So many men are flirts, and often him being cheeky with you doesn’t actually mean that he likes you. He might simply enjoy flirtationships and have the time of his life from all the attention and the dopamine that he’s getting.
So how do you know that his interest is for real?
- He’ll try to create a situation where it’s just the two of you and nobody else.
- He’ll adjust to your comfort level and boundaries.
- He’ll be visibly happier when you’re around.
- He’ll ask questions about you and your life that are actually thoughtful and meaningful.
The signs of genuine interest can differ slightly depending on where you are. For example, flirting in a bar gives us more freedom to express ourselves than, for example, flirting in an office where you have to be careful and mindful of others in the space. When you’re evaluating your conversations, make sure you account for the location where flirting is happening.
Conclusion: Decoding His Intentions
Flirting is an art form and it’s a game too. However, first and foremost, flirting is a behavior that we engage in to indicate our interest and show that we like someone more than just a friend.
There’s definitely fun and thrill to trying to understand if he’s flirty or not, if he likes you or not, and things of that sort. Yet, if his actions are a bit too tricky to understand, and you spend a great deal of time decoding his true intentions, perhaps you should let it go.
It’s very possible that a guy is being ambiguous intentionally, and you’ll just end up in a situationship with him which honestly nobody needs at this point.
If you really like the guy, ask him to clear the air. Yes, it’s risky and can feel humiliating if he rejects you but it’s totally worth saving your time and energy.
